Oh boy. Third newsletter and I’m already sending it three days late. Please forgive me! My husband and I spent a few days in Chicago earlier this week with my brother, his partner, and our good friend. If I’m pulled between being with my people and… just about anything else, I’ll always choose people. That’s actually a segue into today’s topic.
Hosting! Intimate dinner parties! On a weeknight!
For Christmas 2022, my husband and I hosted a multi-day, multi-meal celebration for our immediate families at our house in France. We had tons of help from our wonderful guests, but still. It was a lot! I entered 2023 quite tired and a little daunted by the idea of hosting another big get-together right away.
But we had been away all December, and wanted to catch up with our friends in Boston. Instead of having them over all at once, we planned a few evenings with one couple at a time. On weeknights.
This wasn’t something I’d done much of before, so I wasn’t sure whether I’d like this style of hosting — and I loved it. Basically, I like this approach so much that I’m starting to use it on the weekends, too. Here’s why.
It’s easy for the hosts
I tend to go all-out when having weekend parties: a huge homemade snack spread, a signature cocktail, a gorgeous table with fresh cut floral, sometimes even an invitation in the mail. I do all of this as my own creative expression, even if it stresses me out (tons of fun for my husband) and I sometimes run out of time to get myself ready properly.
Alas, I only have the energy to host at that level a few times a year. The intimate weeknight dinner party is in a lower gear.
For one thing, you can’t do anything crazy because there’s not much time to prepare. The menu is something the two of us would normally have for a weeknight dinner — just doubled. The drink, if we’re even drinking alcohol, is beer or wine. Half the time, people just want seltzer and I serve it over ice with a wedge of lime in a pretty crystal glass. To make it feel like a party, I always prepare a simple dessert, usually something I can make ahead. See below for menu ideas!
Then I dress the table, sometimes using our fine china (this is a dream) and sometimes our dishwasher-safe everyday dishes (this is our set). I use whatever’s available as a centerpiece, light a few candles, and set out a bowl of potato chips for people to snack on in case dinner’s running late (it usually is). I wear whatever I was already wearing, plus an earring and a lipstick. This is probably more than is even required for a weeknight, but I can’t help putting in a bit of effort, it’s just who I am.
This type of prep feels relaxing in the way making dinner at the end of a long day always does for me. I guess I should caveat! I’m someone who loves to make dinner. I cook most nights because it feels really good. This format of dinner party would work equally well with takeout or prepared food from the deli. Easy is the point, so if cooking doesn’t feel easy, don’t do it.
It’s chill for the guest(s)
Since people are coming from work, we collectively agree on a dinner hour that works for the latest-working person’s schedule, instead of me setting a time. It usually ends up being around 7. Then friends show up straight from the office and are welcomed to a dinner that they didn’t have to order, cook, or do dishes for. They can be in their stocking feet, in a peaceful, private home, receiving hospitality that hopefully feels warm and comforting.
I know how it feels to be on the receiving end of such a treat, and it makes me very happy to be on the giving end.
It’s kid-friendly
(Speaking without experience, but) If you have children, this seems like a great way to see friends when schedules are tricky. The kids can say hi and hang out for a bit, and then you can put them to bed and still get plenty of quality adult time.
I do have experience hosting children, and a home is a much more flexible place for kids than a restaurant. They can practice their table manners in a forgiving, low-pressure environment, they can get up from the table and play when they get antsy, and if they’re too tuckered out, they can put themselves to bed on your sofa under a throw blanket. This has happened at our house, and it was very cute.
Same for babies. They can sleep in peace, feed in privacy, and cry without fear of disapproving looks from strangers.
And in both situations, no one has to pay a babysitter.
It’s an early night
I’ve been lucky enough to attend some glorious dinner parties on weeknights in France, where people have lingered after dinner, sipping espresso and passing around a box of chocolates until late. Worth it, but if I’m doing this on a regular basis, I need to prioritize everyone’s ability to focus on work the next day.
Because we’re not in Europe (for better and for worse), things tend to wind down around 10. I believe it’s totally possible to enjoy dinner, dessert, decaf espresso or tea, and a winding, relaxed conversation — and still get your eight hours of sleep.
What do you think - would you host on a weeknight? Let me know in the comments!
Recs for hosting a great weeknight dinner
Create the vibes.
My husband is in charge of the music when we host, and his Spotify playlist called “Reasonable Party” delivers the perfect backdrop to conversation. He recommends these albums for your own reasonable party:
Choose the menu.
Three easy main/side/dessert menus: yours for the taking. Everything linked in this section is from NYT cooking, which costs $40 per year for thousands of excellent recipes. I use it more than any cookbook or food blog.
Menu 1: Caesar salad with baked salmon and chocolate chip cookies for dessert. My Aunt Beth and Uncle John once hosted us and a bunch of other family members at their house in Colorado on a weeknight and this was what they served. It was perfect. No notes. Have copied before, will copy again!
Menu 2: A big bowl of pasta with a minimalist side salad and pavlova for dessert. Pavlova (really, anything involving a meringue) makes a big splash on the table while being dead simple to prepare. Don’t be scared off by the 2h cooking time; most of that is hands-off baking/resting and you can make it ahead.
Menu 3: Skillet chicken (a full meal but you can add an herby salad if you want a side dish) with almond cake for dessert. You make this almond cake in the food processor and it can be adapted to all seasons by changing the fruit on top.
Be a little fancy.
My brother and his partner hosted us for dinner this past Tuesday at their beautiful Chicago apartment, and they got out their Champagne bucket (complete with an excellent bottle of Champagne), coupes (also love these!), and linen cocktail napkins while we nibbled good bread and cheese and dinner simmered on the stove. These touches turned it from just dinner into a dinner party!
Let your guests pitch in.
In the likely event that no one has taken the day off beforehand, there’s not a lot of time to prepare. When people offer to help, take them up on it! Guests can make a quick run to the store for a forgotten ingredient, arrange the charcuterie board, open the wine, or chop vegetables. Except onions. As the host, it’s your duty to assume all onion chopping responsibilities!
Get a few cookbooks geared toward this kind of hosting.
I reach over and over for Skye McAlpine’s A Table for Friends for beautiful, simple recipes with a European sensibility, and Alison Roman’s Dining In for a New Yorker’s take on hosting at home. If you’re cooking for/with children, Dinner: A Love Story by Jenny Rosenstrach is over 10 years old now and still the gold standard for making meals that both kids and adults get excited about.
Happy hosting! I’d love to hear your thoughts, advice, and favorite menu combos. Let me know in the comments!
xx Jane
What a great idea! We live in a tiny apartment and a weeknight dinner for 4 sounds like the perfect scale for for our kitchen/hosting abilities
I wish I lived closer……I would be a regular at your lovely table🥂🍾🏡Lovely entertaining ideas!