Hello and welcome to this week’s edition of The Bell!
This is a companion piece to my other article, “The joy of a recipe notebook.”
I often start planning a new party wishing I could remember what I did for the last one. What wine did I serve, what combination of dishes and linens, was the dessert easy to throw together or did it stress me out at the last minute? Who did I invite and who ended up coming? What did I wear? I’m not always good at taking photos, especially once guests arrive and I put away my phone.
When I moved into my apartment in Boston, I got myself a party diary: a notebook formatted specifically for recording events you’ve hosted, including:
Date
Occasion
Guest list
Seating arrangement
Decorations
Menu
Wine
Conversation (open to interpretation!)
Games
Entertainment
Notes (what I wore, perfume, etc.)
I also like to tape in the paper invitation if I sent one, and other ephemera like paper menus and place cards, and print-outs of any photos I took. Here’s what the layout looks like blank.
(Another version of a party diary is more of a guest book. If you host guests overnight or for a weekend, it’s nice to pass around a little book as an end-of-visit ritual where they can write down some of their reflections on staying at your home and tape in some Polaroid photos. Over the years, hopefully you’ll accrue many happy memories!)
I had grand ambitions of recording every gathering I hosted in this manner, and of course I’ve only remembered to write down the details of one or two out of a half dozen or so (I also haven’t hosted as much as I aspired to). But I remembered my party diary when I hosted friends for a long lunch this past weekend and I’m glad a took a few minutes to jot down some notes.
Because a party is always a special moment! It’s a shared experience that breaks out of the everyday routine by definition: it doesn’t happen very often. It takes planning and labor and creativity to host, and it takes commitment and openness to attend as a guest.
I think about the planning and labor part a lot, as a self-professed enthusiastic hostess and self-aware introvert. Hosting doesn’t just happen for me. What just happens on the weekend is housework, errands, exercise, reading, probably a coffee walk with my husband, a phone call to my parents. Aka, restorative time so I can come back to Monday energized.
When I’ve hosted, no matter which day of the weekend, I end the weekend tired and wishing I had an extra day to catch up on rest. But the tiredness after hosting is a full-cup kind of tiredness. It’s the tiredness resulting from a joyful, noisy house full of people that makes my quiet introvert time all the more sweet. It’s the tiredness of success, knowing I made an effort, pulled out all the stops on hospitality, welcomed people into an environment where they’ll be delighted, be comfortable enough to linger, eat and drink, be themselves, make new friends, come out of their own shells.
Especially at the holidays, creating magic for some people to experience takes work on the part of others. But it’s such satisfying, rewarding work. Children aren’t the only ones to get stars in their eyes when they see a twinkling Christmas tree, or a table covered in beautiful treats, or a model train circling the room. As a young adult, I was lucky enough to attend the most magical annual Christmas tea hosted by an incredibly elegant woman who has unfortunately now passed on. I can only hope the hostess walked through her house, taking in the expressions of wonder on the faces of adults and children alike at the world she created with her parties. I know it took a ton of work on the part a small army of people. But she created Christmas magic which I will carry with me for the rest of my life—and keep the magic alive by telling my future children stories about this tea party from years past.
So document your parties. Your hard work and creativity is worth remembering! Your guests will certainly remember! And maybe someone paging through your notebook years from now will be decide to host something inspired by a party you once threw.
You never know.
Tell me… do you keep a party diary? Do you like to host, or prefer to be invited? Have you been to any parties that you’ll remember forever?
Have a great week guys. In case you missed it, all three of my holiday gift guides are live: one for guys, one for gals, and one for anyone who loves the French countryside. They’re full of gift ideas that support small businesses and craftspeople.
And happy hosting; happy guesting!
xx Jane
Oh my goodness, my mother-in-law gave me a party diary a few years ago. I had never seen one before (it's the same format as yours!), but it has been such a wonderful way to document our parties. More than once, I've pulled it out with a party-faithful friend to look at our shared experiences over the years. Highly endorse this form of record keeping!